Varsity Blues

And so I find myself paralyzed by loneliness again…it’s this overwhelming feeling that wells up inside and makes me unable to do anything. I have all the things in the world to do and yet all I can make myself do is rant about my feelings. Maybe it’ll help me be productive again. I’ve become completely disillusioned with my job and my classes don’t excite me. Every day I have this feeling like I’m slowly falling and I can’t stop. It’s not like I don’t have friends, but something is missing…I don’t know what exactly, but something. Periods of time come where I feel perfectly happy and satisfied with my life, but then I sink back into my feeling of falling. It takes every ounce of strength to not spend the entire day sitting in a corner and crying. I try to tell myself positive things like Hey at least you don’t have Ebola!, but nothing seems to help.

No matter what I do I just feel like it’s not good enough so I’ve decided to just do what I have to and hope no one will notice. Every day I feel stretched thin, like I’m being pulled in all directions. No matter how much sleep I get I’m tired and on edge. I’m wound tight, a rubber band slingshot that could snap at any moment. How much longer can I hold on before I snap? I hope no one is around when I do.

It’s not Tuesday yet, but whatever….poetry Tuesday (Monday)

All I have to say about this one is it’s about a recurring disturbing theme in my life. Also guys need to grow a pair and stop being dicks…that is all.

I’m seen in pieces

Hips, eyes, tits, ass

Like a puzzle scattered across a table

What about heart? What about soul?

The corner pieces

How can you put a together a puzzle without corner pieces?

You can’t.

I’m seen in pieces

I guess there are a thousand

No one will take the time to put them all together

You’ll never see the whole picture

Unless you put them all together

Dig through all the other pieces to find the corners

Or leave them scattered

Does anybody want to put me together?

I’m seen in pieces.